 - When did you first experience a sensation you would describe as ‘erotic’ or ‘sexual’? Under what circumstances? How did you feel? What did you think of it? How did you react to it – enjoyed, were frightened, embarrassed, or…? Has the event influenced your future sexuality?
I found a mother’s vibrator in the wardrobe once. Before that event I was not really much bothered with sex (just collected posters of actors and ‘boy’ groups). But here… Basically, I held a man’s cock in my hand. That was an astounding experience. Obviously, I understood the what the purpose of that thing was at once (I was a big girl already). At first I felt sort of aversion: my mother was doing this!
We lived with her alone and I had not thought that a lonely woman needed to unload sexual tension too. Do not know what she had been thinking about when she left this thing in the wardrobe. Did she think that I never open it? Or did she do it deliberately? For what reason, if so?
When I dug the thing out from under the pile of linen for the first time, I blushed and stuck it back straight away. But could not stop thinking of it. After a while my indignation and embarrassment subsided and was superceded by curiosity. The following several days I would dig into the wardrobe frequently to check if it was still there. Finally, I took it in my hand once and examined it carefully.
The thing attracted and exited me inexplicably – and embarrassed me at the same time. It gave me a kind of strange aching feeling – must have been my first sexual sensation. Despite the fact that it looked pretty repulsive to me, I felt like stroking that thing. When I made myself finally do it, suddenly an image of one of the Ivanushkies emerged in my head (I know it sounds stupid, but true).
…I must have spent many hours combined studying the thing, and each time I liked it more and more. I even risked pressing the button once – I felt vibration and heard it buzz. I had heard the sound pretty often before, from behind the bathroom door, when my mother went for a shower. Only, I have never thought of its nature. Now, when I heard this sound from behind the door, my heart sank, and I could hardly breathe with excitement, because I knew what was going on the bathroom exactly and imagined in my thoughts how it happened. The feeling I felt was not really a pleasant one. As if I was jealous of this vibrator! :-) Or my mother… Do not know.
Despite all my hesitations finally came a day when I decided to try it for myself. Honestly speaking I wanted to try it very much. First time I did it sitting on a chair, not taking my panties off, just pressing the edge of the tool to the chair with my pussy. Having turned it on I did not feel any pleasure at first, but in few minutes I felt waves of pleasure that frightened me at first. I turned it off and did not risk touching it for a few days.
But then gave up and repeated my experiment… And stayed longer… Then I experimented with my panties off. Later there were more experiments – standing up, lying – all kinds of positions… Pretty soon I was able to handle the tool without embarrassment, learned how to add extra rhythm to vibrations. For some time I did not dare to cross a certain line – I was scared by the swift upsurge of emotions. I just could not imagine what was past that line and was afraid of crossing it.
Having reached a certain point I would switch the vibrator off, give myself a break, then turn it on again… But curiosity took the upper hand once and I decided to cross the border – no matter what… Somehow I knew that it had to come to a sort of an end. The sensation just could not keep growing forever. I gave myself a word to endure to the end - and I was never sorry of it. Past that border there was my first orgasm that scared the shit out of me, but I wanted to repeat it pretty soon… Somehow, it has always been my nature – I am scared at first, then I want to do it again. :-)
For three years I shared ‘lover’ with my mother. But I had never given her any reason to suspect anything. I even contemplated loosing my virginity with the help of my ‘mechanical friend’ (a few times on the edge of orgasm I felt an irresistible desire to push it inside). But then I came across a cute boy who took care of my problem :). Basically, that guy cured my ‘vibrodependence’.
He turned out to be a skillful lover and found a receptive and motivated pupil in me (thanks to the three years of my solo sexual experimenting). He taught me so many interesting things that real life sex eclipsed all former joys…
But I think that my first sexual experience made serious positive influence on me. If it had not been for this experience, if I had no prior sex-related knowledge, skills and desire to reach orgasm, being a cautious person, I am not sure I would have been able to adapt easily to normal sex life and feel myself happy. As happy as I am now. :-)
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